When your retirement account has been destroyed by a recession and your healthcare has been taken away by a junior congressman from Wisconsin, there aren't many options left. Gertrude and Maud thought loaded dice seemed like a good choice.
Little did they know that there was magic in these dice! If Gertrude or Maud threw them individually, the dice just bounced off the table and flew back into their hands. But, when they threw them at the same time, they had only slightly worse than 50/50 odds of winning. A Las Vegas Miracle!
Usually, Maud was the "money manager" for the pair. She'd cash their social security checks, pick Gertrude up, and then make sure to keep their pace in check, so they could have a whole evening of fun before going broke. This night was going to be different though. The bank Maud normally went to had been taken over by the FDIC, and the doors were barred. So Maud and Gertrude had to go see Vinny, the check-cashing, money laundering and perm-applying hair-stylist/bookie at their retirement home.
Vinny would take care of cashing the checks, for a small fee. But Vinny hadn't been to the casino in a while, and thought it sounded like a good time. He asked to come along. Seeing no harm, Maud said "sure" and they all jumped into Gertrude's 1989 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera.
Off they sped to the casino. Gertrude hadn't driven the Ciera for a while, but it still had enough gas in it (bought when gas was $1.11/gallon) to get to the casino. When they got there, Maud insisted on going right to the table with the big red bouncy dice. Vinny wasn't so sure this was a good idea, but Gertrude grabbed his elbow and reminded him that he owed her for keeping his extra-curricular financial schemes hushed up at "The Palms" where she and Maud lived and he pretended to work.
Like usual, they put their chips on red and threw the dice. But before the dice even stopped rolling, a voice behind them called out. "Back again, eh ladies? Those are some pretty lucky dice..."
Maud and Gertrude froze. They'd never so much as eaten a grape in a grocery store without paying, and now they were using loaded dice in Las Vegas. They slowly turned around to find a small, bald, pot bellied man in a suit that was two sizes too large. His amusing appearance was juxtaposed against the very serious looking pistol in his right hand.
"Uh... what's that?" Gertrude burbled. Maud shot her a look that said "Hush!" The little man sneered at both of them while they glanced around trying to figure out how Vinny has disappeared so quickly. Having no time to pursue that question further, Gertrude suddenly threw the dice at the scary guy. The dice, being magic, as well as loaded, instantly caused him to melt into a tiny puddle of slime oozing out from under the lumpy suit, now in a pile on the shag carpet. "Nice throw," said Maud. "All those hours you spent playing Wii baseball back home at The Palms paid off, Gertrude!" She grabbed Gertrude's hand and off they raced, jumping over the slimy suit (exercise programs at The Palms helped with this move) and heading toward the doors.
They drove home in silence. Finally, Maud spoke up. "Well Gertie, I guess it's back to selling pain pills to teenagers for us." "I suppose it is" mumbled Gertrude. "But you know," she continued, with a hint of a smile, "cheating the casino felt a bit immoral anyways..."