To the reader: No animals were harmed in the writing of this
Now most folks know that part of living and managing a ranch
is all about protecting the animals on the ranch. But what most folks don’t realize
is that you spend most of your day keeping out the wild animals you don’t want
to have on the ranch. This here is a picture of Grady, the Cow Boss, at the B
& B Ranch. I bet you’re wondering what the heck he’s up to? We’ve written a little story about Grady and
this here is how it goes.
It was suppertime at the B&B Ranch and we was
all hungry after a hard, hot day of ranching. Usually around here a rancher’s
best friend are his/her horse and a dog, but not at suppertime. At suppertime
it’s the Yeti cooler. You see around here we’s always fending off bears. They
love our home cookin’, even more than our livestock. We ain’t sure that you are
aware but the Yeti cooler is proven to be bear proof. It drives them bears nuts;
they can’t get inside a Yeti to get at
those delicious victuals fer all the honey in a hollow tree!
Due to the bears
beatin’ at our coolers, we have to tie the Yeti way up yonder in the old oak
tree. If we don’t do that, the bears recognize it sitting right there on the
ground. That gives ‘em bigger fits and the last thing you want to do is to be
chasing a bear who is batting your Yeti down into the holler. We’s got a nice
fire going and Grady is getting ready to shoot the Yeti out of the tree when
all of a sudden out of nowhere comes a huge bald eagle. That sucker was damned
near bigger than all of us put together!
We shrank back in fear, but not ole Grady. He stood there firmly
planted, raised his rifle and shot that cooler out of that tree! We was getting
ready to give a great cowboy/gal whoop when that eagle came back around. That
eagle was not going fer the Yeti cooler! It was going fer Grady’s gueetar that
was perched on a branch. That eagle swooped in and nabbed the gueetar strap
with his huge witchy talons.
Once again, cool
as cucumber, Grady raised his rifle, took careful aim staring down that
monstrous bird and fired a shot.
Now I don’t have to tell you but Grady is the best shot north, south, east, and
west, of the B&B
Ranch. That bullet sliced clean through that geetar strap between the witchy
talons of that eagle narrowly
missing hitting it in the beak! That gueetar fell straight down and landed in
Grady’s grip! Now you bet we
gave a loud cowboy/girl whoop, fer we had never seen the likes of this EVER!
eating our victuals around the fire with great gusto exclaiming the events of
the day. We ate beer bread,
baked beans, beef jerky, brownies, bananas (for the hands who can’t tolerate
sweets),queso and chips.
After a while Grady broke out his geetar and we all sang the good ole
cowyboy/girl songs of today
and yesterday smoking cigarettes, drinking beer and eating s’mores.