Out in New Jersey, there was a dance competition, and Doris was a finalist. She was determined to win the big trophy, and in order to keep herself motivated, she often repeated her motto "If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying!"
Although Doris didn't really plan on cheating, she DID have a secret dance move that she planned on revealing at the end of her routine.
The day of finals arrived, and Doris was really really excited for the chance to show off her secret move.
The band began to play, and the crowd began to cheer. Doris noticed that there were also a few Sousaphones in the band, she has always loved Sousaphones.
She started to dance, first with her hips which of course led to some booty shaking. As the routine went on, she then picked up her knee to do the twist, and her arms joined in too. The crowd was so enthusiastic that they were chanting "GO GRANNY, GO!"
The routine was nearing the end, and it was time to show off the ultimate granny move- the splitz. Not just any splitz, the James Brown splitz. So Doris took a deep breath, slid to the ground, and at the moment when she should have heard the crowd gasp in amazement, there instead was a deep deep grumble from the Sousaphone that sounded much too much like "breaking wind."
The crowd roared with laughter, and Doris was humiliated! She was too embarrased to look up at anyone, but she couldn't help but look at the Sousaphonist who caused her so much embarassment, and guess who it was-- Her arch nemesis, Boris Carlof, the greatest dancer in the West.
Doris knew what to do. As the crowd continued to laugh, Doris stomped right over to the paving crew that was working on the street in front of the dance competition. She spotted a man driving a steamroller, and punched him right out of his seat. She then grabbed the steering wheel and headed right for Boris with an evil look in her eye.
Unfortunately, Boris jumped out of the way in time but not with his Sousaphone. Doris was able to smash it to bits and pieces, which she was later thankful for as she did not get thrown in jail for squishing a man.